Yes, I am going to do a little potty talk today. God brought to mind a conversation that I had with the Women’s Ministry Director at our church a while back and for some crazy reason I feel compelled to share.
I have heard it said many times that a person needs to have a “prayer closet” or someplace specific that they retreat to in-order to spend quality time with God. Well, I never thought I had a specific place, until recently when I began recalling a few choice times that I know God was speaking to me.
The day after I graduated from High School, my parents put me on a plane for a summer mission trip to Honduras. It was one of the best experiences of my life, but the beginning was a bit rough. We flew an American airline into the country, but to travel within the country we were at the mercy of Honduran air-travel. On the middle leg of our journey to the interior, we encountered a delay and had to find a place to stay/eat/etc. for a few days. Well, long story, somehow I contracted some form of amebas, and I was sick to say the least. Scared, hurting and wishing to be home, I spent many hours alone in “the throne room” of my hotel. At some point, when I was in a half conscience state, I physically felt God hold me and whisper to me His love. This is where I was….totally helpless in need of the only one who could heal me.
About eight years ago, I was in a very lonely and difficult place struggling with infertility. Matt & I had gone through several miscarriages and failed procedures and were facing invetro-fertilization. We were both very scared. At the same time, our church had been going through a large building campaign for a new children’s facility. As a church secretary, I was daily faced with the construction and the talk of the new children’s program. I know many of you have faced similar and even more difficult situations, so you can understand how my heart was torn and ached. The week the building was officially complete the secretaries were given an “official” walk through. Strangely, I wandered into the girl’s room and stared at the little potties. Who would have thought something like small toilets would be my undoing, but literally I crumpled! I cried out to God to let this cup pass from me. It was at that time I clearly heard Him, as if it was audible, say that I need only to surrender and trust Him. This is where I was…totally helpless in need of the only one who could provide a miracle.
A few years later, I was expecting my daughter, Grace. It was a very difficult pregnancy. I was hospitalized several times, and when I was at home I was still hooked to pumps and IVs. I can’t tell you how many hours…days…I spent on the cold floor of my master “throne room”. It was the only place I felt relief. William was just over a year old and before Matt would leave for work each day, he would set us up with snacks, pillows for naps, books & toys, the phone, etc. It is humorous now, but at the time it seemed daunting. This is where I was…totally helpless in need of the only one who could give me the grace & strength I needed each day to survive.
Almost four years ago, I was faced with a cancer scare which then led into several years of a strange illness. Countless times I found myself retreating to cold tile. Strange how God used this time to teach me so many things and to truly grow and bond our family. It is amazing to me how getting to such a vulnerable humbling place brought about strength and confidence. This is where I was…totally helpless in need of the only one who could give me (us) wisdom.
This brings me to the last two years. Boy, it seems like God has us on a crazy journey. In some ways it seems like we have had one change after another and the time has flown by, but on a day to day basis it seems as if I am going to go crazy from waiting for God’s next step. For the last 10 months, we have been living with my parents. God has truly covered the situation and things could not be better; however, we all struggle with times of simply wanting to be alone. I think we are all thankful for long showers where we can cut out the world around us. Amazing that these are the times when God begins to speak. This is where I am…totally helpless in need of the only one who knows the future, can show us our next step, can provide a miracle, give us grace & strength and grant us wisdom.
So, does a person need to have a “prayer closet” or someplace specific that they retreat to in-order to spend quality time with God? Well, I can see the benefits on a daily basis, but I also know that when God wants to get to our hearts, He speaks to us in the places where we choose to be vulnerable, the places where we humble ourselves, and the places where we earnestly seek him. For you maybe it is a dark closet…for me…well, I guess I need to spend more time in the Throne Room!
Seeking Him Today,
AT
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