My Hard Heart

This last week, I have been feeling like I’m trying to swim north on a river that is flowing south. It seemed to me, with each passing day, I was getting crushed by the water and pushed under by the journey. This morning I heard myself say, “I just have so much to do.” WOW! The pain that struck my heart in that moment...not that of weariness, but of conviction. I do not HAVE too much to do. I GET to do this wonderful work. I am humbled and honored to be where I am. As you can imagine, at my first opportunity to retreat, I headed straight to my knees. "Forgive me Father for my attitude!" I am so excited to be in the place He has set aside for me. I am ashamed to admit how quickly I forget the promises and provision of the Father.

I was reminded of the story of the disciples in Mark 8. They are out on a boat with Christ and are worried over the fact that they do not have bread. Christ asked them if they had hardened-hearts. They had no answer. So He asked them how many baskets of food they picked up after the miracle of the feeding of the 5 thousand – Answer: 12; He asks them about the feeding of the 4 thousand – Answer: 7. So then He “asks” them, “Do you not yet understand?” In other words, a hard hearted person is one that does not remember God’s faithfulness; one that forgets the miracles that God just did in her life.

Oh, how I am like that. Do I not yet understand that the same God that brought me to this place in life is the same God that will not only see me through, but provide miraculously! Is my heart so hard and forgetful that I so quickly forget the work of the Father in my life?!

Father let me be like your servant David. He did not forget the strength you gave him to kill the lion, so he defeated the bear. He walked with that same power of faith as he faced Goliath. I want to be moving forward with God in victory....the journey is His; why would I not think that He would equip and be faithful.

I am committing that this next week my heart will not be hard. (forgetting all that God has done) I will have clay feet being moldable to His teaching and will. I am choosing to continue north despite the flow of the river because I know that with a soft heart of grateful obedience I can swim!

AT

Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and IS and is to come
With All Creation I sing, “Praise to the King of Kings
You are my Everything
And I will Adore you!”

I can hear Missy singing this at NorthWood Church as I type. We serve an amazing Lord. He does not give us too much. He is still the God of miracles, the God whose plans are perfect; the God who is faithful and keeps His promises.

Obeying By Faith

Last week I “graduated” from Bible Study Fellowship. BSF is an international, interdenominational 7 year study of the Bible. (http://www.bsfinternational.org/.) It has been a tremendous blessing in my life; however, there have been times along the way that I have wanted to stop going. BSF requires a lot of time. My second year in the program, William was ill and not yet 2 years old. I was also nursing baby Grace. It was a great struggle to accomplish all I was trying to do at home as well as an intense study. I had decided that I was going to quit the study. However, one morning while finishing a lesson, God clearly spoke to me. He told me that I was not to quit. He was calling me not only to finish the year, but to compete the entire 7 year process! OH BOY! That year we were studying Israel and the Minor Prophets...it was a lot of reading & a lot of new study for me. I had no idea how God was going to get me through! Yet, He gave me so many sweet times with him and promises along the way. By His power alone, even in the midst of miscarrying for the 5th time and being told I had ovarian cancer, I was able to nurse Grace 13 months, care for a sick child, run a home, continue in ministries, etc. etc. and still complete that year in BSF. Only God!

In 2006, God revealed to us that He was moving us overseas. We had no idea what this process was going to look like or where He was sending us. I thought perhaps I was going to a country that had a BSF program. We simply continued down the road of obedience not knowing how He would work out all of the details, but trusting Him in all things. Obviously, it has been a long process and we are just now getting ready to leave the country. Last week, on my last day of BSF my discussion group leader informed me that according to new BSF rules a person can now miss 4 classes and still be considered an active member. There were only 4 classes remaining in the year; she turned my name in as a graduate! Our God is so amazing! When He speaks it is always truth. This is just one of those small things, but when we are faithful to listen and obey, we

receive joy in life under the shelter of His calling, security and blessing. Tomorrow, as we move into this new chapter of life, I am blessed that I have so many things to stand on when times are difficult. I know the road will not be easy, but I know who has paved the road. The pictures are of all the “stuff” we have left in this world.

Because of Him! AT

I Can’t Make More Time...So What Should I Take Time to Do?

This is a crazy week for us as we prepare to leave town next Monday. I have too many lists with too many things to accomplish on each list! This morning during my time alone with the Lord I was asking Him again to help me prioritize, see the needs around me and accomplish the things that He sees fit. It is hard for me to surrender control. I like to have a set plan. The problem with MY plan is that it usually includes doing all the things that benefit ME and MY family. It doesn’t leave a whole lot of room to turn my focus on others. Sadly, if I do not make a plan to focus my attention outward it doesn’t happen.
One thing that I keep being reminded of is that I cannot MAKE time. God has ordained time. It is what it is. I have the TAKE time to do those things that are beneficial and pleasing to Him. Grace is my “flutter-fly” child. She loves life. I often have to make myself stop and spend time with her. In the midst of all the craziness of the yard sale last week, I found Grace dancing in the living room with the tutu that I had already priced and put in the garage! In that moment, I wanted to scream! What in the world is she doing digging and climbing on boxes. She could have gotten hurt and I would have had to take her to the emergency room.....Doesn’t she know that I have a system, a plan, an agenda for the day! Thankfully, I stopped and checked myself before I exploded all over her. I was even able to laugh at her cute wiggle. I decided that I was not going to stress. I was going to make memories with the sale. Matt’s sister, Jan, is so good at this. She helped us with the sale. She spent many moments playing with the kids to make the time pass quickly and be less painful. (remember they were watching most of their things disappear off the driveway!) Yes, the picture is of my SIL in a tree. What will we do for those we love? I hope I will go the extra mile like Jan to see a smile on someone's face. Personally, I wish I had been more selfless in my time over the last month. If I had been, I know one thing I would have done - spent more time at my grandparents. I guess most people can confess that. Sadly, I get so wrapped up in "doing" things that I don't just simply "be" with people. I am convicted that I need to take the time that I am given and and use it wisely. If I want relationships, I have to take time to build them and maintain them. (facebook, skype, letters, phone calls etc.) Do I HAVE the time - no! I have to TAKE the time. In the middle of our craziness, we are trying to still make memories and love on those around us. Matt & William had fun in my grandmother's attic - just being boys. Bill (Papa) also took William to shoot his 410. Love the Memories! If I want to grow deeper in the Lord, I am going to have to take more time to spend in His Word and in Prayer (conversation) with Him. If I want to be more fit, I am going to have to take the time to exercise. The examples go on and on. Most things do not just happen. I can tell you my eyes have been opened to what my priorities are by what I am spending my time (& money) doing. Now, I need to spend more time in prayer and ask God again to help me get my priorities in line with His. I think my days will look a lot different. AT

Texas Bluebonnets

Yesterday was a crazy day of running around town trying to get things taken care of before we leave the area. We sold our van, but have been unable to locate our title. I think that it was shredded with all of our other non-essential documents. So, we went to down-town Fort Worth to wait at the Department of Motor Vehicles and Title Registrations. We should have known from the SHORT line that this was not going to be the place that could help us with any of our needs...We were sent to Arlington to the Department of Transportation Re-Issuance. Check that off our list...then on to the Department of Public Safety in Hurst to take new pictures for our Driver's

Licences. Along the way, on I-30, we saw a few patches of bluebonnets...throw the kids out the truck...snap a few pictures...check that off the list! Still looking to sell my scrapbook items, king size bed and locate Grace's passport! UGGG, but loving every minute of it! AT

YARD SALE!

Our family has been told that all of our stories begin with the phrase, "One time at a yard sale...". Yes, I have many, many stories to tell. The funniest one of this adventure is about my mother's rug. We were given a USED "oriental" brown and orange rug (for free) when I was in junior high school. It was in our living room for a few years, but since that time it has been in our car ports and garages. It acts as a buffer from dirt entering the house. My mother vacuums and washes it from time to time, but as you can imagine it is quite old and worn. It never fails; at every yard sale, someone asks, "how much for the rug." My sweet mother always replies, "I'm sorry, the rug is not for sale." Today; however, she was feeling sassy! When the inevitable happened...the asking of the question was answered with an amount - $50! The funny thing is the man bought the rug! We are not sure if we lost out on an amazing deal or got the deal of the century, but the memory will make us smile. Many thanks to

everyone that donated items and work tirelessly this weekend. You are all a cherished blessing. A special squeeze, kisses and thanks to my mother...the Yard Sale Diva...this would not have come together without you! Love you! AT