Not Counting Just Trusting

Why would God put the"Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil" in the Garden of Eden if He didn't want man to eat from it?   I am sure many people have asked that question right along with me. From the beginning, God allowed man to have the will to choose.  I believe the tree was there for many reasons - one of them being to teach man to trust.  I believe this is a lesson that from the onset of our relationship with the Father, He desires to work in our hearts.  He wants to stretch and grow us in our ability and will to put our whole faith in Him.  In 2003, I was undertaking a seven year Bible program.  That year, we were studying Israel and the Minor Prophets.  At that same time, Grace was an infant, and I was diligently trying to keep up a milk supply for nursing.  I had extreme hormone issues, and this was proving to be a very difficult task.  I used a pump to provide extra stimulation for milk production 3 to 5 times a day.  Grace was thriving, but I was becoming very discouraged.  I would often go to our deep freeze and count how many bags of milk were there. (great bi-product of pumping!)  I would then add up how many days I could give Grace breast milk before having to switch her to something else.  In the midst of this ritualistic exhaustion, one week in class, we studied about the time that David was instructed to NOT take a census in Israel.  He was to simply trust that the Father would provide the manpower he needed to be a successful ruler.  Despite God's instructions, 1 Chronicles 21:1 records  "Then Satan stood up against Israel and moved David to number Israel."  Why did David fall to temptation in this?  Why was he not obedient to the Lord's will?  I believe it was a trust issue.  David was in charge - or so he thought - he felt he needed to be prepared for what was ahead.  The Father began to work in my heart, and in a dream revealed to me that I was acting just as David had.  I believed I was the "ruler" or in control of my milk production.  I was allowing Satan to destroy my special time as a mom; make me weary from doubt; and allow me to believe that I was Grace's provider.  God stictly forbade me from counting milk from that day forward.  I was to put the bags in the freezer and forget them.  I had no idea what a challenge that was going to be.  At that time, Grace was 4 months old.  Two months later I found out I was expecting again.  My hormones were raging and I wanted to count how much milk I had so I could stop nursing Grace and rest.  Again in a dream, I was told to keep pushing forward and to trust.  Two months later I lost that child.  I was so hurt.  I know that sounds crazy, but if you knew Matt and my whole story you would understand how desperately we wanted children.  Even with two in our arms the loss of yet another child was devastating.  I was also hormonally all over the page.  However, God gave me two instructions: continue and trust.   Two months later when Grace was 10 months old, I totally dried-up on one side.  Again, the temptation to count what was in the freezer was so overwhelming....BUT I had come so far!  The one year marker that the Father had promised me was in sight.  For the next two months, we continued with only one side producing milk.  The day of Grace's first birthday I was emotionally all over the place - again, it could just have been hormones!  ; )  I was sad to think that this time was ending.  I knew (although not yet fully) that Grace was to be my last biological child.  I was grateful, amazed and overwhelmed to see all that the Father had brought us through.  I was also extremely curious as to how much milk was in that freezer!  I guess just like Adam and Eve I wondered what could really happen from just one count.  Just like David, I thought that I had won so many battles.  Was I not in control yet?  Without asking God, I counted and I added up how many weeks/months Grace was going to continue to be able to have good breast milk.  (Pride goes before a fall!!!!)  I weaned Grace over the next few weeks and began to give her breast milk in a cup.  She totally rejected it!  Then I began to notice that after I made her drink it, her diapers were foul and she had terrible indigestion.  OH GREAT!  What was I to do with a freezer full of milk?  I knew it was from my own foolishness.  I asked for forgiveness, which of course was given, but there are always consequences to sin.  The milk was not "mine" any more.  What was I to do with it?  I began praying.  A few days later, I was talking with a friend of mine on the phone.  She was having extremely painful back issues and needed to take special medication.  By taking this medicine she was unable to nurse her infant.  She was pumping in order to keep a supply, but was having to pour her milk down the sink. (HOW AWFUL!)  Immediately, I knew what I was to do - Give her the milk.  I was so grateful that the Father allowed me to do this.  (I could have just had to put it in the trash!)  HE knows our sins and our weaknesses and yet He chooses to use and bless us anyway!  SO, you might be asking: Why is Amy writing about something from so many years ago?  Well, I have been caught counting again!  Not breast milk this time...but days.  With our current visa situation still up in the air and July being our 3 year anniversary overseas, I have been playing the "what if" game and counting days and months.  IF this happens, we can do THIS.  IF that happens, we could do THAT.  What I have really been doing is NOT trusting!  God still has a perfect plan!!  He knows how many days we have left in Turkey.  What Satan wants is to steal my joy, take away my ability to minister and rob me from the privilege of serving.  I know God desires that I have faith that HIS ways are perfect.  All things will work together in HIS time and for HIS glory.  I am not to count!  Please pray for me as I walk this journey again.  May it be one this time that pleases HIM.  AT                 

Life is wonderfully knitted together

Shortly after moving to Turkey, a local family adopted us.  I have written about them many times over the years.  We love them dearly.  One of the things that my local "grandma" was determined to teach me was handiwork. She wanted to begin with crochet.  I am not sure how many hours we sat side-by-side with her giving instructions and me helplessly fouling it up, but eventually she got "fed-up".  She took the hook from my hand, threw it on the table and said that I would not learn.  I am sure that my eyes were as big as saucers.  I know they were ready to spill over with tears.  I was already struggling with language, culture, food and relationships...was I to fail at this, too!!  She must have seen my shock and forthcoming tears because she quickly smiled and grabbed up the knitting needles.  Believe me I took them with trembling hands and lots of prayer!  "Please God, HELP!!  I need to learn this.  I need to succeed at something!!"  After several more hours of instruction...and I believe many huffs and eye rolling...I was slowly knitting.  (and I mean sllllloooooowwwwwlllly)  When I left her house that evening, I was determined to go home and continue working.  Over the next few days, I made something that could resemble a pot holder.  It had many holes from missed stitches, but I did it!!  Success!!!  After that, I moved on to scarves, hats, socks, ponchos and I am working on my first sweater.  I have never been "crafty"; that's my mom's department; but this is fun...even therapeutic.  It has been nice to be able to have something in my hands while I listen to children read and while I am helping with lessons or watching TV.  I have always had a hard time with these particular activities because I hate being still.  However, I think the thing that I love the best about this craft is the time I am able to spend in prayer.  I have several family members and friends in the States that I decided to pray for as I do certain tasks.  As I do normal tasks throughout the day, I have set certain activities as prompts to pray for particular individuals.  I decided to do that with knitting as well.  I have a friend that I pray for every time I knit.  I also pray for the person for whom I am knitting.  In previous posts, I have been writing about how the Father is teaching me to worship and praise Him.  I am amazed at how He so desires to work in our lives through everything that we are doing.  Recently in my knitting, I have been having beautiful (yet sometimes difficult...but clear) visions and sweet words from the Father.  He truly has a perfect plan for our lives.  He has knitted each piece of our lives into perfect order.  Will we be simple pot holders or complicated sweaters?  Will the colors change once, twice, over and over or perhaps never?  Will we see missed stitches when really it was the beginning of a beautiful flower pattern?  We may not know what the end will create, but it will be wonderfully made and precious in His sight.  We simply need to walk with hands and hearts that are stretchable, changeable and moldable for His glory.  AT    

Another School Year Down....

Really, where does the time go?  It is hard to believe that yet another year has passed.  Despite an emotional fall; a middle of the year move; seeing their father put in jail and subsequently deported; and living under the pressure of yet another possible move (this time to a totally different country), the kids did amazingly well in completing 4th and 3rd grades.  I am amazed at how resilient they are!  I have wanted to fall apart for them on many occasions!!  Of course, we still have subjects that are shaky and need firming up this summer/beginning of next year; but, overall, I am amazed.  God is good!!  I am so thankful to be allowed the privilege of being on this journey.  One day at a time, one step at a time, HE gives us exactly what we need.  I confess, at times I "feel sorry" for the kids when I think of all the things that they are "missing"... and the fact that they are stuck with just one teacher who cannot even begin to give them everything they need!!  However, in those moments I am sweetly reminded of the ONE who supplies all of our needs.  The ONE that makes a way.  The ONE that never calls us to a place that HE does not equip us for the life HE has chosen.  Yes, there are areas that my kids if measured would fall short of the mark, but I am walking with confidence in the things that we are all learning along this road that will run far in compensating for anything "missing".    AT

We would truly appreciate your prayers and words of wisdom in this area. Each year is a new challenge, and we really do try to simple sit at the feet of the Father.  However, we know that many of you have training and are gifted in the areas of teaching, education and home schooling.  Please, as you think of us, pass along ideas, tips and helps.  It will be openly received!

Pilgrim's Progress

The Pilgrim's Progress from This World to That Which Is to Come is a Christian allegory written by John Bunyan and published in February, 1678. It is regarded as one of the most significant works of religious English literature. It has been translated into more than 200 languages, and has never been out of print. (Wikipedia)  For the last 2 years we have been using A Beka homeschool materials for Language Arts.  We have truly enjoyed the traditional style and great literature.  The last reader in the 3rd grade program is a version of Pilgrim's Progress.  Having attended public schools, this classic was not something that I read.  I have heard it referred to in sermons and other discussions, but I had not taken the time to read it for myself.  Truthfully, I often get lost in some of the writings of the classics.  John Branyan is a Christian comedian.  He gives a sketch that is hilarious describing our current lack of understanding as well as proper use of the English language.  The Three Little Pigs. After over 8 years of trying to teach language, I can say that it is possible that I am even more confused today! LOL!!  I am; however, grateful that I am experiencing some of the classics on a simple level along side my kids.  Perhaps in the future, I will try to get my hands on the original version, but for now I would like to recommend to anyone who has not read this classic to perhaps try the "readers version".  One of the great things about this book is the questions at the end of the chapters.  They allowed for great discussions of faith and theology for our family.  I was a little worried each year when I started with my 3rd grader.  I wondered if they would not be able to understand the allegory; however, much to my surprise each child put themselves right in the book.  The gospel came alive before their eyes.  Our kids have been highly exposed to the sharing the gospel, but this was a wonderful picture of watching a person travel down the road of salvation.  This would be a great summer read for kids; however, I would suggest perhaps reading as a family or one-on-one so as to allow for questions and discussions.  We can give our kids a lot of things, but pointing them to the gospel and the road of salvation is a must.  Let's do it over, and over and over again in every form possible!!  AT    

Easter 2012

This was a very different Easter for our family.  You can read in past blogs and see how much our family loves crafts, art and sensory lessons for this most important holiday.  It is the highlight of our year.  Most people will not debate the fact the Jesus was born; however choosing to accept HIM as their atonement for sin and way of salvation is another story.  As many of you know, leading up to Easter Matt was detained and deported.  The kids and I were left waiting each day and wondering if we should begin packing to move or would we too be given a suitcase and asked to leave immediately ourselves.  The day that Matt was jailed was to be the start of our "12 days to Easter" focus.  With him gone it just didn't seem right to color eggs, start resurrection projects and "celebrate".  I was torn (having been given the advice by crisis mangers to make things "normal") to just move forward with our activities or simply wait and celebrate later.  In the first few hours of shock, looking for something to unlock my fuzzy brain, I opened my email to find a prayer sent from a dear friend who had experienced a similar situation.  She advised me to just worship.  Prayer would be hard; reading would be even more difficult; just worship.  I immediately closed the computer and sat on the floor.  How could I just worship?  I couldn't breathe; I couldn't process; I couldn't think!  Surprisingly, tears would not come.  I thought I needed a good cry, but I was so encircled by HIS arms that all I could do was begin to praise Him.  The Spirt that lives within me swelled and engulfed my being.  Strength and clarity of mind came in that moment.  The next day I received an email from my sister-in-law with a song by Aaron Keys, Song of Moses.  It became the "theme" song of the next 10 days.  The kids and I put aside "activities" and decided to just worship.  Christ gave up everything for us.  What would we give up?  Would we give up candy and treats?  Would we give up parties and activities?  Would we give up where we live?  Would we give up all of what we own aside from a suitcase?  Would we give up our daddy/husband?  What would we give up to see people have a relationship with the Almighty?  Christ gave up everything!  It is one thing to say it with your lips, but it is entirely different to stare it in the face and commit to turning it over to HIS hands. Wow, what a lesson for the kids - what a lesson for me!!  Yes, our Easter lacked the color, crafts and candy of years past, but praise Him, praise HIM, PRAISE HIM our hearts have been given a precious touch of his longsuffering, love and life!!  AT

PS: Matt was "returned" to us late in the eveing of Good Friday.  The weekend was spent with much rejoicing!!

St. Patrick's Day

I am not sure why I have always really liked this day.  Maybe it is the little bit of Irish blood I have, or perhaps just that I love to celebrate even on "small" holidays.  Our family had a wonderful day remembering the life of St. Patrick and those that have given their lives for the furtherance of the gospel.  Of course, the day had to be all green.  The kids decided to sleep in green pajamas so as to avoid getting pinched first thing in the morning!  Smart - because I would for sure do it, and they know it!!  LOL!  For breakfast we had cinnamon roll pancakes with green icing; lunch I tried to make healthy to redeem all the sugar eaten earlier, so I made a spinach salad served with homemade chips; dinner was a traditional "Shamrock Stew" with "Irish Soda Bread"; snacks in-between included chocolate cupcakes with pistachios, green popcorn and the traditional green jello with fruit salad!  We had a lot of fun with games throughout the day.  We had a treasure hunt, a puzzle to solve and a guess who holds the "true treasure" mystery game.  We also spent time in song, prayer and thanksgiving.  I love taking the small moments and using them to celebrate the One who is worthy of all PRAISE!  AT 

Live it WELL

Matt and I have been looking for new music.  It has almost been 3 years since we left our beautiful home state of Texas.  We truly miss our wonderful worship leaders.  They were always so great to keep worship fresh, moving and alive.  Recently, God has really been laying on my heart the concept of how to live the life that He has called me to well.  Not just live the life, but live it WELL.  What does that look like, and how can I make my time spent in personal worship more fruitful spurring me on to life that is lived "well"?  John 10:10b says, "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."  He does not just want to give us life.  When we are born into His Spirit we are given the opportunity to have a life of abundance....a life of well living.  Please don't hear me saying that I am jumping on the "health and wealth" wagon; no my eyes have been open to too many other things over the past few years.  I believe God does heal; He does provide and He does desire to give to us in abundance, but the number one thing He wants to do is receive glory.  How will He receive glory from my life? 1 Chronicles 16:29 says, "Ascribe to the LORD the glory due His name; Bring an offering, and come before Him; Worship the LORD in holy array."  I am discovering that if I am actively seeking to give Him glory, my life will be  well.  You may remember the hymn "It Is Well with My Soul" by Horatio G. Spafford.  If you have time click on the link for the song and history of this beautiful hymn.  I am always moved by people like Mr. Spafford that despite walking through tragedy after tragedy they still remain totally sold -out to serving the Lord and giving Him glory.  Their life is "well" despite deep loss.  They are alive in Christ.  For those of you that are not "hymn" people.  In our looking for new music; we have recently come across some songs of a new and up-in-coming artist.  His name is Hunter Thompson.  I believe this one is written by Matt Stinton and Bethel Music, but Hunter Thompson is performing it here: This is what you do.  Though not as poetic as a hymn,  I am challenged by the simple phrase - "This is what You do; you make me come alive!"  I do desire to be ALIVE in Him and live this life WELL for His glory!!  AT
PS: The boat picture is just one of the cool things we get to see crossing the Bosporus each week.  I put it in this post because of the hymn reference.