My Hard Heart

This last week, I have been feeling like I’m trying to swim north on a river that is flowing south. It seemed to me, with each passing day, I was getting crushed by the water and pushed under by the journey. This morning I heard myself say, “I just have so much to do.” WOW! The pain that struck my heart in that moment...not that of weariness, but of conviction. I do not HAVE too much to do. I GET to do this wonderful work. I am humbled and honored to be where I am. As you can imagine, at my first opportunity to retreat, I headed straight to my knees. "Forgive me Father for my attitude!" I am so excited to be in the place He has set aside for me. I am ashamed to admit how quickly I forget the promises and provision of the Father.

I was reminded of the story of the disciples in Mark 8. They are out on a boat with Christ and are worried over the fact that they do not have bread. Christ asked them if they had hardened-hearts. They had no answer. So He asked them how many baskets of food they picked up after the miracle of the feeding of the 5 thousand – Answer: 12; He asks them about the feeding of the 4 thousand – Answer: 7. So then He “asks” them, “Do you not yet understand?” In other words, a hard hearted person is one that does not remember God’s faithfulness; one that forgets the miracles that God just did in her life.

Oh, how I am like that. Do I not yet understand that the same God that brought me to this place in life is the same God that will not only see me through, but provide miraculously! Is my heart so hard and forgetful that I so quickly forget the work of the Father in my life?!

Father let me be like your servant David. He did not forget the strength you gave him to kill the lion, so he defeated the bear. He walked with that same power of faith as he faced Goliath. I want to be moving forward with God in victory....the journey is His; why would I not think that He would equip and be faithful.

I am committing that this next week my heart will not be hard. (forgetting all that God has done) I will have clay feet being moldable to His teaching and will. I am choosing to continue north despite the flow of the river because I know that with a soft heart of grateful obedience I can swim!

AT

Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and IS and is to come
With All Creation I sing, “Praise to the King of Kings
You are my Everything
And I will Adore you!”

I can hear Missy singing this at NorthWood Church as I type. We serve an amazing Lord. He does not give us too much. He is still the God of miracles, the God whose plans are perfect; the God who is faithful and keeps His promises.

Obeying By Faith

Last week I “graduated” from Bible Study Fellowship. BSF is an international, interdenominational 7 year study of the Bible. (http://www.bsfinternational.org/.) It has been a tremendous blessing in my life; however, there have been times along the way that I have wanted to stop going. BSF requires a lot of time. My second year in the program, William was ill and not yet 2 years old. I was also nursing baby Grace. It was a great struggle to accomplish all I was trying to do at home as well as an intense study. I had decided that I was going to quit the study. However, one morning while finishing a lesson, God clearly spoke to me. He told me that I was not to quit. He was calling me not only to finish the year, but to compete the entire 7 year process! OH BOY! That year we were studying Israel and the Minor Prophets...it was a lot of reading & a lot of new study for me. I had no idea how God was going to get me through! Yet, He gave me so many sweet times with him and promises along the way. By His power alone, even in the midst of miscarrying for the 5th time and being told I had ovarian cancer, I was able to nurse Grace 13 months, care for a sick child, run a home, continue in ministries, etc. etc. and still complete that year in BSF. Only God!

In 2006, God revealed to us that He was moving us overseas. We had no idea what this process was going to look like or where He was sending us. I thought perhaps I was going to a country that had a BSF program. We simply continued down the road of obedience not knowing how He would work out all of the details, but trusting Him in all things. Obviously, it has been a long process and we are just now getting ready to leave the country. Last week, on my last day of BSF my discussion group leader informed me that according to new BSF rules a person can now miss 4 classes and still be considered an active member. There were only 4 classes remaining in the year; she turned my name in as a graduate! Our God is so amazing! When He speaks it is always truth. This is just one of those small things, but when we are faithful to listen and obey, we

receive joy in life under the shelter of His calling, security and blessing. Tomorrow, as we move into this new chapter of life, I am blessed that I have so many things to stand on when times are difficult. I know the road will not be easy, but I know who has paved the road. The pictures are of all the “stuff” we have left in this world.

Because of Him! AT

I Can’t Make More Time...So What Should I Take Time to Do?

This is a crazy week for us as we prepare to leave town next Monday. I have too many lists with too many things to accomplish on each list! This morning during my time alone with the Lord I was asking Him again to help me prioritize, see the needs around me and accomplish the things that He sees fit. It is hard for me to surrender control. I like to have a set plan. The problem with MY plan is that it usually includes doing all the things that benefit ME and MY family. It doesn’t leave a whole lot of room to turn my focus on others. Sadly, if I do not make a plan to focus my attention outward it doesn’t happen.
One thing that I keep being reminded of is that I cannot MAKE time. God has ordained time. It is what it is. I have the TAKE time to do those things that are beneficial and pleasing to Him. Grace is my “flutter-fly” child. She loves life. I often have to make myself stop and spend time with her. In the midst of all the craziness of the yard sale last week, I found Grace dancing in the living room with the tutu that I had already priced and put in the garage! In that moment, I wanted to scream! What in the world is she doing digging and climbing on boxes. She could have gotten hurt and I would have had to take her to the emergency room.....Doesn’t she know that I have a system, a plan, an agenda for the day! Thankfully, I stopped and checked myself before I exploded all over her. I was even able to laugh at her cute wiggle. I decided that I was not going to stress. I was going to make memories with the sale. Matt’s sister, Jan, is so good at this. She helped us with the sale. She spent many moments playing with the kids to make the time pass quickly and be less painful. (remember they were watching most of their things disappear off the driveway!) Yes, the picture is of my SIL in a tree. What will we do for those we love? I hope I will go the extra mile like Jan to see a smile on someone's face. Personally, I wish I had been more selfless in my time over the last month. If I had been, I know one thing I would have done - spent more time at my grandparents. I guess most people can confess that. Sadly, I get so wrapped up in "doing" things that I don't just simply "be" with people. I am convicted that I need to take the time that I am given and and use it wisely. If I want relationships, I have to take time to build them and maintain them. (facebook, skype, letters, phone calls etc.) Do I HAVE the time - no! I have to TAKE the time. In the middle of our craziness, we are trying to still make memories and love on those around us. Matt & William had fun in my grandmother's attic - just being boys. Bill (Papa) also took William to shoot his 410. Love the Memories! If I want to grow deeper in the Lord, I am going to have to take more time to spend in His Word and in Prayer (conversation) with Him. If I want to be more fit, I am going to have to take the time to exercise. The examples go on and on. Most things do not just happen. I can tell you my eyes have been opened to what my priorities are by what I am spending my time (& money) doing. Now, I need to spend more time in prayer and ask God again to help me get my priorities in line with His. I think my days will look a lot different. AT

Texas Bluebonnets

Yesterday was a crazy day of running around town trying to get things taken care of before we leave the area. We sold our van, but have been unable to locate our title. I think that it was shredded with all of our other non-essential documents. So, we went to down-town Fort Worth to wait at the Department of Motor Vehicles and Title Registrations. We should have known from the SHORT line that this was not going to be the place that could help us with any of our needs...We were sent to Arlington to the Department of Transportation Re-Issuance. Check that off our list...then on to the Department of Public Safety in Hurst to take new pictures for our Driver's

Licences. Along the way, on I-30, we saw a few patches of bluebonnets...throw the kids out the truck...snap a few pictures...check that off the list! Still looking to sell my scrapbook items, king size bed and locate Grace's passport! UGGG, but loving every minute of it! AT

YARD SALE!

Our family has been told that all of our stories begin with the phrase, "One time at a yard sale...". Yes, I have many, many stories to tell. The funniest one of this adventure is about my mother's rug. We were given a USED "oriental" brown and orange rug (for free) when I was in junior high school. It was in our living room for a few years, but since that time it has been in our car ports and garages. It acts as a buffer from dirt entering the house. My mother vacuums and washes it from time to time, but as you can imagine it is quite old and worn. It never fails; at every yard sale, someone asks, "how much for the rug." My sweet mother always replies, "I'm sorry, the rug is not for sale." Today; however, she was feeling sassy! When the inevitable happened...the asking of the question was answered with an amount - $50! The funny thing is the man bought the rug! We are not sure if we lost out on an amazing deal or got the deal of the century, but the memory will make us smile. Many thanks to

everyone that donated items and work tirelessly this weekend. You are all a cherished blessing. A special squeeze, kisses and thanks to my mother...the Yard Sale Diva...this would not have come together without you! Love you! AT

Go Forth in Power

Well, I guess this subject is of no surprise given where our family is right now...
My kids love to wrestle with their daddy. (You can click Wrestle Mania to see pics and read more.) This past Sunday, the kids were thrilled to spend an hour on the trampoline “takin’ down” the “Daddy-the-Devastator Travis”. For them it is a great way to bond, burn some energy and make memories. I love to listen to their giggles and be the one that kisses any boo-boos.
While watching this fun, God made clear to me something that He has been working in my heart for a while. It is in the area of POWER. If the kids were to try to sit still on the trampoline and simply hold a hand up to keep off the “enemy”, they would be crushed. They lack the power to stand up under the weight of such an attack. It doesn’t matter how much they know about wrestling, have studied the different hold techniques or claimed power to see them through - Matt is ready "BrotheRRRR". What the kids have learned through the process is to be on the offense and to charge with power & confidence! Many times I have watched Matt loose his footing, slip and end up with two little wrestlers sitting on him with big smiles!
Why is it that I think that in my spiritual walk I need to focus on being on the defense? I do need to study, memorize, go to church, etc. etc. There is value in those things and scripture teaches us to guard and protect our hearts & minds, (DO NOT email me with the need for forgiveness, cleaning, deliverance, growth, knowledge – I believe in those things!) but lately I have been convicted over the many scriptures that simply instruct us to Go, Move Out & Walk. (Gal. 5, Mark 16:15; Matthew 28:19) Why is it that I think I need to have XYZ in order before I feel like I am ready to walk with God?

I heard someone say recently that believers try to make things too complicated by studying the newest books, going to the hottest conferences, being involved in ministry, etc. Growing in knowledge and service is a blessing and a fruit, but I have come to realize that it will not sustain me. The only thing that sustains is being connected to the vine. The reality is that God simply asks us to wake up each day, enthrone him, be filled with the Spirit and go forth in Christ. If I am connected to the vine, I will walk in strength & power and be sustained through life.

I am realizing that it is likely not a coincidence that Ephesians 5 instructs us to walk in the Spirit, and it is then followed by Ephesians 6 telling us how to put on God’s armor as we go. I think the message to me is to not allow fear or my need to have all the answers (be in control) to hinder me from living a life in Him. I need to be moving on the offense. There is no armor for my backside!

With this revelation in mind, what then is expected of me as I go forth? Isaiah 49:9a says, “ ‘Go forth,’ To those who are in darkness, ‘Show yourselves.’” Jude 1:23a says that we are to be “snatching them out of the fire.” Can I really go to the gates of hell and pull someone out? I believe that Christ is the gate keeper to life. He holds the keys to hell (Rev. 1:18) and he is also the only way to heaven (John 14:16). (See also John 3:17-18; 36) If I believe that, than the answer is, YES. I can (and should be) in His power go to the gate and bring someone to the gatekeeper/into a new life.

A friend was telling me recently a story of disciplining sheep. We both shook our heads at the silliness of focusing so much on “bringing someone into the fold” (the church) and expecting them to act like "all the other sheep". The "fox" is not afraid of other sheep. He will circle and devour anything. The fox is afraid, however, of the Shepard. Our personal focus and focus in disciplining others should be in staying near our Shepard (the gatekeeper), and teaching others to stay connected to the Shepard. It doesn’t matter the church, the books, the ministries they involve themselves in. Their ministry and walk with the Lord WILL NOT look like mine. I should not want anyone to follow me. My desire should be to put people in the arms of the Shepard so that HE can empower them and use their lives as He sees fit for His glory.

I am encouraged today to realize that I do not have to be anyone special, read any particular books (except the Holy one!) or have some spiritual knack for keeping myself on guard. I simply need to wake-up; enthrone Him; be filled with the Spirit; put on His armor and go forth connected to the vine and listening to the voice of my Shepard. It is Christ that sustains me each day, equips me for staying on the offense in the battle and gives me the power I need to lead a glorifying life for His kingdom.
Ministry and personal growth will happen, but power and fulfilment come simply by daily being found in Him.
AT
"I will thank you, Lord, among all people. I will sing your praises among the nations. For your unfailing love is higher than the heavens." Psalms 108:3-4

All Things New

As most of you know, our family is on an amazing yet often crazy adventure. I am surprised at all the new things that am learning daily and pray that in time the Father gives me the words to share them with you. For now, I will simply write that I am blessed by His sweet words to me, "I make all things new." (Revelation 21:5) Our family has had a powerful month. God has shown Himself to us mightily and delivered us in remarkable ways. We are grateful for the opportunities we have had and the people that He has brought into our lives. We are new and changed people because of our journey. Matt & I are not prophets, preachers or theologians, nor do we pretend to be "writers". We are simply ordinary people surrendering to God's call on our lives. Our desire is to serve Him and give Him glory. We believe part of that process for us is offering a consistent picture to you of what our lives look like as we walk with the Lord. Therefore, in this new blog process we commit to offer up our short-comings; continue to be frank concerning our many quirks; share our experiences; and hopefully bless you and make you laugh along the way with the things that we are learning. I admit there have been times in this process that I have wanted to ditch it all; buy a new house with a bunch of acreage in the beautiful state of Wisconsin; and simply live off the land with my family. On the surface, it seems to be a much easier trek than the one we are currently traveling.....but then where would the joy in His plan, the peace in His hand; the growth given by Him and the FUN be in that! Right? No, I would not trade the past two years & two months journey for anything, but I am also not ashamed to admit that I am EXCITED to see the "light at the end of the tunnel". (I fully recognize the "light" is only the beginning of a "new road" and the journey has been more like 12 years!) Yes, we have finally come to the place in our adventure that the Lord is moving us forward to our new home. Last week, Matt finished the data collection for his dissertation. This means we are basically one month out from the completion of his PH.D. Over the next 2 weeks, our statistician will pull the results of the data together. Then Matt will write about the findings; write his conclusions & suggestions for future research; and submit the paper for final defense. This combined with the Lord giving us His "thumbs up" to move forward allowed Matt the freedom to submit his resignation at work. We will leave this Saturday to meet with the organization we will be joining as we move to Central Asia. We are thrilled that we will be joined by mentors, family and friends as we walk through this new process. We are honored that they have chosen to take personal time and expense to be with us. We fully recognize that the new doors that are opening to "us" includes many walking with us hand in hand. It is my prayer that I daily surrender to Him keeping a teachable mind and a humble spirit. He desires to work anew in each of us daily. I am not sure where I heard the song below, but many of the words mark where we are right now...longing for a new land; having a new hope and new strength. He Makes ALL things new! AT

Brooke Fraser - "Shadowfeet" (If you are on our blog, you should be hearing the song play.) (Verse 1) Walking,stumbling on these shadowfeet; Toward home; a land that I've never seen; I am changing; less and less asleep; Made of different stuff than when I began; And I have sensed it all along; Fast approaching is the day (Chorus 1) When the world has fallen out from under me; I'll be found in you, still standing; When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees; When time and space are through; I'll be found in you(Verse 2) There's distraction buzzing in my head; Saying, "in the shadows it's easier to stay"; But I've heard rumours of true reality; Whispers of a well-lit way (Chorus 2) You make all things new (Chorus 3) When the world has fallen out from under me; I'll be found in you, still standing; Every fear and accusation under my feet; When time and space are through; I'll be found in you

PS: Matt planted the tulips for me this past December. God allowed them to bloom at just the right time!