“Nobody likes me; everybody hates me; I think I’ll go eat worms.” Sounds like a pitifully childish song to my adult ears, but last week when I realized that my thoughts and attitude reflected this particular pity party, I felt quite silly! Yes, I confess I was allowing my current life circumstances to begin to navigate my thought life and actions. It seems quite comical now looking back, but I guess it should be of no surprise that a naturally self serving individual should have conflict within herself when things don’t go her way or people don’t come through like she thinks they should!
Funny how I think I deserve so much. I know I often fall into the lie that my life or circumstances should be important to people. ‘Tis the season for wondering what is in it for us right? So I had to ask myself, “What was my problem last week?” Well, the only answer I can come up with is...Self!
It seems so natural to focus on self. Self-preservation; self-satisfaction & self-love are natural instincts…..self-denial; self-sacrifice & self-control have to be trained and chosen. So, my questions to myself right now are, “What do I deserve out of life,” and “What can I do to not get so wrapped up in my own circumstances and selfish thoughts?”
Let’s put things in perspective….What do I really deserve? NOTHING!....Well, truly, I deserve death, Hell and eternal separation from God. I can do nothing to redeem myself. I can never work hard enough or be good enough to find favor with a holy God. Yet, it is by His mercy (the waving of what I deserve) that I have forgiveness & freedom, and it is by His grace (getting what I do not deserve) that He offers me a relationship & eternal life.
(“Blessed be the Lord, Who daily loads us with benefits, the God of our salvation!”) Psalm 68:19
So, now that I have established what I deserve. How can I change my focus from self?
Well, I am still on that journey, but here are 3 ways the Lord has been showing me:
#1 Continue to Work to Develop a Thankful Heart
I wrote a few weeks ago about trying to focus on thankfulness. You can
click here to read more. However, the main idea I believe is choice. I need to choose to give thanks in all circumstance. The Bible simply instructs us to give thanks. (Ephesians 5:20) I have learned that I may not truly be thankful at first, but that is okay for now. I required my toddlers to say, “thank you” when I knew that they had yet to develop gratitude for the meal or toy they were given. Why?...because most often actions precede beliefs in people. Prayerfully, as I am obediently offering thanks, my realization of my insignificance and my heart of gratitude (not self focused & having feelings of deservence) will become more apparent and less likely to steal my focus from the Father and others.
#2 Relying on the Father
Yes, many of you have read my on going struggle with wanting to be in control. (Click on....
The Puzzle or
The Neighbor’s Cat to visit a few of those musings.) I think one of the best ways that I am going to stop looking at life from the perspective of, “what’s in it for me”, is realizing that I am not in charge, and it is not about me. I am here for one purpose and that is to serve the Father and give Him glory, and the only way that I can do that effectively is to rely on Him for guidance, instruction, provision, etc.
#3 Service
An amazing thing happened to me the end of last week. I was somewhat forced into serving someone and a surprising thing happened....I didn’t feel so sorry for myself anymore. I also wanted to serve another person, be involved in another situation, reach out to a friend....and on and on my mind went. The next thing I knew, I was smiling at my childish ways and singing the above mentioned worm song. I always wonder at the phenomenon that occurs when I put others first and stop thinking of myself.....I am blessed, satisfied and content.
Now, have my circumstances changed...no. Am I still disappointed and hurt?...yes
However, I think the words of this old hymn say how I feel right now best:
Verse 3: His word shall not fail you - He promisedBelieve him, and all will be well: Then go to a world that is dying, His perfect salvation to tell!Chorus: Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
Look Full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace
‘Tis always the right season for Serving & Giving,
AT
Click 
I confess that more times than I would like to admit, I lack both patience & wisdom...and it would be a true assessment to say that in those times, I often end up with a stinky mess!