Surrendering All...and Doing it AGAIN tomorrow...

This month we took a week to travel out east to look for a house. Just like on our previous trip, by mid-trip we were all sick to our stomachs. I know that is just "par for the course" when living abroad, but I confess it still is a tough road to walk. It is especially a difficult road to watch your children walk. On Wednesday evening, we had planned to attend a fellowship with other local like-minded people; however, William & I were too ill to go. While William slept, I decided to spend some time looking out over the city and praying. During my time, the Father kept bringing the old hymn "I Surrender All" to my mind. (If you can't remember the tune or complete lyrics, you can click here.) I know that I have sung it countless times, and I truly do want to surrender all to Him. However, if I am perfectly honest with myself, I continue to find areas that are not completely surrendered. As I looked out over what will be my new city, it seemed as if I stared in the face of two huge areas of non-surrender. The first one is my desire for "things that are pretty." I know that seems incredibly shallow; however, it is the truth. The city we are moving to is anything but "pretty". It is basically a village that has grown stack by stack, block by block on top of its self. It is hot, dry and just plain brown. The people are not pretty people. They live a hard life at or below poverty. They don't have "pretty things", and they don't "act pretty". As I watched a small child passing on the street below me, I heard the Father say, "Amy, I will not be able to use you here if you do not choose to see this city and these people like I do." Wow, I realized in that moment that it is not enough to say, "I will go, and give up all the "pretty"." I need to change my view of "pretty". God not only needed my mind and my will to surrender to His plan; He needed by heart to surrender. In order to do that, He needs me to surrender to the transformation of my eyes so that I can view His world and His people through His lenses. I know that may sound basic, but when it is daily staring me in the face, I confess it is difficult. But oh how the Father is good...in a city that does not readily welcome foreigners; in a city that it is very unusual to lease apartments; in a city that does not have a lot of "pretty"....HE allowed us to find an apartment that is directly overlooking the only real park. I am continually amazed at how the Father blesses as we are willing to completely surrender.




Since this was our second trip to this city and subsequently the 2nd time we "caught something", the second thing of non-surrender that hit me was the health of my children. Our new city will not have the medical care that our current one has. Don't miss read this blog...if my children are in an emergency or serious need of care, we can leave the city to seek help. However, I felt the Lord asking me if I was truly trusting Him with the care and health of my children. Do I really believe that they are loved more by Him than by me? Do I really believe that He has a plan and purpose for them? Do I really believe that this life that He has chosen for "us" truly includes them?... I DO - I HAVE TO! I will never truly be 100% surrendered if I don't. Is it still hard to walk down that road of surrender? - YES - Almost 3 weeks later, our bodies have still not fully healed from whatever we picked up on our trip. It could very well be that we are always slightly ill in our new city. Is that scary to me? - YES- However, I know that we are never promised an easy life - not even our children. One of Matt & my parenting philosophies is: We are more interested in our children's holiness than their happiness. It is God's plan for our family to move; therefore, it is a part of His plan for our children's ability to grow in holiness. He is in control of their health. Only He knows the number of our days. If our life purpose is to give Him glory, I must surrender to His desire for our health and trust Him to give us all the strength we need to continue serving Him.

I surrender All...and I'll need to do it again tomorrow... AT